New guide

This projection was actually quite lengthy.  Unfortunately, I didn't bother to write it down right away, instead deciding to go to sleep.

During the projection, I felt an energy with me.  This felt like a very gentle and loving energy, and I asked who it was.  He answered something that started with "Fr..." but I could not understand.  When I asked again, he simply said "Shiny."  He seemed very keen in working with me, and he showed me a few places, but I cannot remember them well enough to describe in any detail.  This will teach me to start writing things down immediately.

Akashic records/past life?

This is from one of my older experiences that I was inspired to blog about today.

I projected with the intent to find out about a past life; any past life.  I felt guide energy with me this time, and I stated "show me a past life that will be helpful to me."  I was led to this 3D set of what looked like an average late-1940s to early 1950s home.  There was an early 50s style car parked in the house.  There was the dad sitting in the living room watching TV.  I was aware of 4 or 5 children in the home.  They were all moving around normally, oblivious to my presence.  I went into the kitchen where the mother and 2 little girls were.  I knelt down by one of them knowing that was "me."  I heard "She died 42 hours later."  I asked why I would choose to live a life where I would die so young.  I heard "to learn about the 4Cs."  Unfortunately, I did not think to ask another question, and I'm not sure what the 4Cs are yet, although I believe they are along the lines of caring, compassion, etc.

I didn't even hit me until a few months later that my mom had 4 brothers and sisters.  One of her younger sisters passed away at about age 1-1/2, which was about the age of this little girl.

Tunnels, glass house/building and deep water

This afternoon, I had a lot of projections.   Since my shamanism workshop a while back, I have been attempting to find/use a tunnel to journey to the underworld.  I used the intention to find my power animal before starting out.  I found myself going down very fast surrounded in black.  When I stopped moving, I looked back, I saw that I had come out of a cave.  I was in and out of projection and found it hard to maintain focus today.  At one point, I was in a body of water and found a pipe under water that I was going to use for a tunnel, but I became stuck on the thought of not being able to breathe under water.

On my last projection today, I was headed across this body of water toward a small island with a house/building made entirely of glass.  The only thing in this house was 1 chair.  I focused on the house and intended to investigate it, but I suddenly turned down toward the water.  As I went into the water, I became fearful (I have a fear of deep water) and brought myself back out.

University and bright green grid/net

I have been trying to catch up on my experiences here, and so most of my latest posts have been about experiences that happened a week or two ago.  This one was from a few days ago.

I felt myself going upward quickly and found myself at a gigantic University.  It seemed to go on forever.  There were a lot of people walking around with books.  All of the rooms and hallways were very large and made of stone.  It was quite beautiful.  In the past, when I have gone to schools, they were always preschools and elementary schools, so maybe this means that I am advancing in some sort of knowledge.  Anyway, when I found myself at this school, I wasn't sure what to do next, and I thought of my dad (my dad taught at universities since I was a very young child, and he passed away a couple of years ago), and I tried to find him there.  I searched through many rooms but never came across him.  I was hoping that my thoughts of him would attract him to me.  I did this for quite a while but then gave up.

At that point, I felt myself going up again into a black space for a while.  When I stopped moving and looked up, there was a vast bright green grid/net above me.  I looked at it and simply thought "I guess I can't go any further."  Usually, I am much more adventurous in my travels, and I could have kicked myself for not attempting to go through.  Who knows what lies beyond? :)

Shamanic extraction experience

I had an interesting astral projection experience the other day.  After my wizard/healing experience a while back, I had been asking many questions of myself about that experience.  This was an answer to some of my questions.

The first part I do not remember well, but I came across a person who had something on them that did not belong in their energy field.  It was a black 'blob' with 2 eyes and lots of legs.  I knew that I should remove it, so I picked it up.  Then I realized I did not know what to do with this thing now that I was holding it.  I found it very easy to show it love and send it on its way.

In retrospect, if I had been 'prepared,' I could have thought of better ways to deal with this, but not a bad start.

Working with chakras during astral projection

This was an experience from a couple of days go.  I was able to very easily project in to the 'black space.'  I felt an intense vibration in the area of the root chakra.  This actually happens to me frequently, and I have always found it to be very distracting.  This time, though I decided to focus on that and to see what it would be like to open up and get all of my chakras spinning.  I started with the root chakra and worked through each of them until I felt them all spinning.  It was quite a sensation!  I had trouble getting much out of my solar plexus and heart chakras, though, so I have some work to do there.

Who am I...the answer

This was probably my most profound experience to date, and it seemed to open up something deep inside.  Life will never be the same.

I had attended a shamanism retreat in January, and since that time, I have asking during all of my meditations and before attempting to journey, "who am I?"  It was about a month later, in February, the day before this experience, I was able to journey and felt guide energy, and so I asked this guide directly, "Who am I?  Can you show me?"  He answered "not today." LOL...I was a little stunned, because usually when I as a guide or dream character, I either get a a positive answer or a cryptic one.  I had never been flatly turned down :), so I decided just to accept the answer and move on.

The next day, I asked that question before meditating.  It was only a few minutes before I felt myself being pulled  out of my body.  I felt myself flying upwards.  I just kept going up very fast.  I found myself in a bright white room.  I was looking down at a wizard who looked very much like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings with white long hair and long beard dressed in brilliant white (minus a pointy hat).  I came to him and stood before him and knew this was my moment.  I said "Who am I?"  He replied "Of course you would want to know that, especially after what happened yesterday."  I took yesterday to mean several things....the guide who would not tell me the day before.  Also, the helpless feeling I had the day before coming across a severely injured raccoon and being unable to do anything to help him.  Also, yesterday meaning these past couple of years that I have been spiritually searching and all that has happened during this time.

Anyway, at that point, the wizard turned abruptly and said "let's go.  We've been waiting for you."  At this point he was wearing an old fashioned leather helmet and leather jacket. He took off quickly, and I found myself in a vast bright white 'auto shop' with shiny new cars and motorcycles.  We wove around them and came to another room.  Suddenly, this guide stepped back to watch me as I looked down on this table.  There was 2 little boys standing around the table.  Lying on the table was a little girl with dark skin and dark hair and eyes.  Her body was twisted grotesquely, broken, and I could tell she was 'dying.'  She was looking up at me with big eyes.  I felt this horrible helpless feeling come over me, feeling as if there was nothing I could do.  I decided I had to do 'something', at least provide comfort.  I reached out to her to touch her arm, and suddenly, I felt this guide come up behind me, and I felt the most powerful energy running through me.  There are no suitable words I know of in the English language to describe this, but it included in it so much love.  If I had felt the power of this standing in my physical body, I think it would have knocked me off my feet.  I felt all of this emotion coming through me.  I felt this girl under my hands began to heal and sit up.  I began sobbing and crying "thank you, thank you," because I think I have been given a most wonderful gift, and feeling this girl healing made me so happy.

It was at that point, I was so emotional, I could not maintain my focus any longer.  I had to go into hibernation  after this experience for a while, and since this time, my journeys have been almost daily.  That, in itself is a wonderful gift.

Part III?

I asked the question the other night about Dodd...who is he and what does he want to show me. I had an interesting dream that night that I am certain has to do with this that I haven't completely figured out yet. I was in a bar getting my prescriptions filled (yeah lol). I received my 2 bottles of pills. I set them down for a moment and turned around. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a man who I do not recognize take the bottles and switch my pills. I grabbed them and opened one up to see what he did to them. In the bottle, the pills were all had the word "ecstasy" written on them. Then, I am in a theatre looking for a seat, and a young man, 18ish (who I took to be an acquaintance who I barely know) grabbed one of the bottle from me. I told him, "I know you took it." He answered. "I did. What of it?" Then another man, 30ish  (another that I barely know) grabbed the other bottle and hid it behind his back (he had the one where the pills said ecstasy). I asked him to give it back, but he denied he had it. :)

Animus part II

This is a followup to my dream below about the Animus.

I was working on astral projection a couple of days ago.  I was in the projection for quite a while but found it very difficult to focus.  Most of the time, I was either unable to see or saw things I could not describe (as it came in flashes), but I felt a presence with me.  I asked who it was, and he answered "Dodd" (see previous dream).  I had a very strong desire to merge with this 'being,' and when I was finally able to focus well enough, I did.  There was this huge surge of energy.  I really cannot describe how it felt, but it was incredible.  When I returned, I felt a wholeness or completeness that I have been lacking for a long, long time.  This was such an incredible experience.  

I knew I had been doing some wonderful healing work in my dream and in my daily life, but this felt a culmination of all of that.  Not that I don't have any more work to do, but I think this was a big step.

Decision to step boldly into myself

11/01/2010  

This is from yesterday.

I think the only moment in my life where I have had more clarity than I’ve had today was the day I realized what God was to me.

Where to start?  I just made a post this morning on the topic of fear; specifically, fear of parts of myself that wanted to come forward.  When I was a child, I used to dream I was an animal (usual a hawk), and I wasn’t a human acting like a hawk; I was the hawk and was able to feel what that would feel like.  At some point, my dreams became nightmares, and I ventured into the dark areas of my unconscious…not a pleasant thing to do as a child.  I was always afraid to go to sleep.  Also, around this same time, my friends and I, when we got a bunch of us together for slumber parties and such, used to do ‘spells’.  Where we got the information on how to do this, who knows?  We all just knew how to do them.  We conjured up all kinds of interesting and scary things in order to scare ourselves.  These experiences contributed greatly to my nightmares and the ‘evil’ that I felt was present.

I put all of these dark parts away for a long time in order to save my sanity (I thought), but they still haunted me during bouts of depression.  My biggest fear of these things coming forward was that I would become insane or that other would believe I was.  The feelings that came would most certainly consume me.

I’ve also known that I have a gift for helping people to make the transition during the period we call dying and ease their fears by some form of telepathic communication.  This is not something I’ve ever told anybody (again, fear I will be looked at as ‘crazy’).  I’ve always been drawn to work with hospice patients, but I have not gone forward with that because of the last few years watching my dear father-in-law pass and taking care of my own dad and his passing.  It has just been too painful.  Also, I have an idea of book regarding children and dreams, but never thought of myself as a ‘writer’ so have not been moving forward with that. 

The dreams/experiences I have were becoming clearer and more powerful every day as I began to work with these subconscious/unconscious realms. 

I’ve been asking spirit for some time what is it I am ‘meant’ to do.  All of these areas have been presenting themselves as past lives, symbols, dreams, and I understood that something big was coming.  I’ve had these things all swirling around my head, wondering how they fit and praying I don’t take a wrong/painful turn.  I looked at them all as separate pieces, and it was confusing.

After I made my post about my fears, I had the pleasure of driving my daughter to a visit with her grandmother, so I got to spend about 3 hours in the car (one of my favorite things to do is go for long drives), and it came to me in an instant of clarity.  Now is the time for this part of me to come forward and step into who I am.  And, I don’t have to choose one way or another to go, because all of these parts that scared me are going to come together quite nicely.  All of the symbols, past lives, and the past in this life all came to me in almost a split second.  It was almost overwhelming.

Of course, my lower self says “but what if…”

And as if to put answer that voice and put a giant an exclamation point on this experience, I looked up at that moment, and there was this huge billboard advertisement that read “Vision what it would be like to help others with their dreams.”  And just beyond that, there was billboard with a panther on it.  Those of you who have read some of my more recent posts know the panther is important to me.

My body is having trouble containing the excitement I am feeling.  This is it.  I feel it in my soul.

So…I will take my warrior spirit and my panther and journey boldly down this path. 

Isn’t life an adventure?